As mothers we are biologically programmed to take care of the needs of everyone in the family. But we need to make space for taking good care of ourselves too. This starts with assuring our basic needs are met everyday.
Technology enables moms to multitask more easily but more is expected of modern parents. Even in households espousing gender equality, women tend to take on more of the childcare and household responsibilities, as well as the corresponding mental load. Dads can ease this burden by taking more initiative and following through.
Motherhood is often not what we understood or imagined it would be based upon our observations of our own mothers. While growing up, we often failed to see the behind the scenes work and effort that we now experience first hand.
Sometimes new or expectant mothers see media coverage of tragic loss in the postpartum and become concerned about “getting” postpartum depression. It’s important to talk to your providers and learn about local community resources for postpartum women.
Feelings of sadness rather than joy may be dominating your days if this is your first holiday season following a divorce. Or maybe you’ve been telling yourself that you’re “over it” and the holiday blues have taken you a bit by surprise. Either way, getting through the holiday season is a milestone in your divorce recovery.
Participating in parenting coordination with your co-parent may not sound like something that you really want to do. However, unless one or both co-parents have unlimited funds and find ongoing conflict in the Court rewarding in some way, you and your co-parent eventually have to start doing the work of raising your children together after the separation even though you are no longer committed as a couple.
As a society we still have a long way to go in allowing women the time and space they need to grow into their roles as mothers when they experience the detours of postpartum anxiety and depression. Perhaps one of your first lessons as a mother is allowing yourself the time you need and accepting the support that others can provide.
For couples, having a shared, overarching parenting style greatly reduces opportunities for conflict. Children, in turn, benefit from the safety and security that a “united front” provides. Taking the time to discuss parenting issues as they arise can be a the pathway to preserving the relationship despite disagreements about parenting.
After baby arrives, the nature and extent of your social connections take on a whole new meaning. Becoming a mother can open a whole new world with different venues to explore, new topics of conversation, and a seemingly endless array of new things to do. But there can be comfort in reaching back to former support networks too.
Rates of divorce have been doubling in age groups above age 54. Gray divorcees, or so-called “silver splitters” or “diamond splitters,” may have spent quite a number of years together prior to the divorce. In these late life separations, emotional well-being and finances may be negatively impacted to such an extent that one or both partners never fully recover.
In the course of negotiating a Parenting Plan or Marital Settlement Agreement (“Agreement”) all of the holidays are usually discussed in turn and divided in some manner. Negotiating the holiday schedule can be a challenging part of divorce mediation. Giving some careful thought to preferences and potential areas for compromise beforehand can be helpful.
