In some instances of separation and divorce, the level of animosity is so great between co-parents that the resulting court case is categorized by the professionals involved as “high conflict.” Not uncommonly, these types of cases involve allegations of abuse or neglect of the children, domestic violence between the adults, substance abuse by one or both co-parents, or allegations of mental and health issues for one or both co-parents. Another increasingly common feature of these high conflict situations is allegations that one co-parent is intruding upon, or actively precluding, a relationship between the children and the other co-parent.
The Court may include in the Order a provision that a parenting coordinator will work with the co-parents to improve their communication with the hope of reducing the overall level of conflict to which the children are exposed. This appointment of a parenting coordinator will often occur at the end of the court case. If the co-parents are able to reach an agreement outside of Court, they may also agree to work with a parenting coordinator. The selection of the individual who will serve as the parenting coordinator may be a subject of some debate between the co-parents. It is very important that, from the beginning, the parenting coordinator maintain neutrality.
In addition to working directly with the co-parents, the parenting coordinator may also serve as the manager of a treatment team which includes individual therapists for the children, individual therapists for the co-parents as well as, possibly, a reunification therapist who works with the family. When there are so many professionals assisting various family members, a coordinated effort is important. The family members will be expending significant time and resources trying to repair the damage of the prior conflicts, learn new ways of spending time with each other, and move forward with their lives.
Given the sheer stress of these types of high conflict separations, the children may at some point have begun manifesting symptoms like increased physical illness, threats of self-harm, lack of interest in school or social activities, or even school avoidance. The level of the conflict between the co-parents may preclude them from agreeing that the children should participate in therapy. Sometimes, though, the children do begin therapy before an Court Order or Agreement is entered.
The parenting coordinator’s role as team manager can become delicate when the children have been in therapy for some time and have an established relationship with their therapists. The children’s therapists may have developed opinions about the family dynamics and what would be best for their respective child-clients. They may have witnessed significant distress on the part of the children as a result of contacts with one or both co-parents or during the court process.
Given this past exposure to the family history, the children’s therapists often have the capacity to provide important information that can enable the entire treatment team to make progress in helping the individual family members move forward in the aftermath of the litigation. It is important that the children’s therapists work in concert with the parenting coordinator to help all family members follow what has been ordered or agreed upon. The children’s therapists still continue to empathize with the children’s difficult feelings about the changes in their family and support the children as they continue the transition towards separate relationships with their parents. But, working now as part of a treatment team, the children’s therapists should decline to join with the children or any other family member in resisting the Court Order or Agreement. Joining with the parenting coordinator and the rest of the treatment team in this way ultimately benefits the children because confusion is reduced and there is unity towards the goal of reducing conflict in the family system.
Greenberg, L.R. & Sullivan, M.J (2012). Parenting coordinator and therapist collaboration in high conflict shared custody cases. Journal of Child Custody, 9: 85-107.