Therapy for Moms
Do you look in the mirror and question: who is this disheveled person? Do you feel like you are going the extra mile to take care of your partner and children, but at the same time struggle to allow yourself even a moment to consider your own needs? Do you question how long you can keep going at this rate even as you sputter to the end of each action-packed day?
The Realities of Motherhood
Regardless of the pathway through which we arrive on the doorstep of motherhood, virtually nothing can compare to love we feel when holding our little ones close. Quite often, from the moment we first lay eyes on our babies, they are ours forever - to protect and care for. We sacrifice, often without initially feeling the weight of this choice. We don’t see at first the seemingly endless days of the same tasks, over and over. We don’t see the same five dinner items served time after time, the same floors and counters wiped day after day, the same items of clothing laundered week after week.
Before we become mothers we often feel we are so busy. Busy going the extra mile on the job. Busy hanging out with friends. Busy working out regularly. Busy going on dates and talking to our friends about our experiences. Busy taking vacations to distant places. After we become mothers, we look back at this season of busy and wonder what we were actually doing with all that time. In that moment we had felt capable and confident in our choices, but after motherhood we look back longingly at the squandered Sunday afternoons, year after year.
This is because there’s a while new definition of busy once we become moms. Sleepless nights spent walking the floor with a screaming baby. More nights spent up with a sick child. Hours spent feeding and packing lunches. And even more time spent driving from home to daycare and preschool and high school. Most of us would still choose the monotony of motherhood again. Because we also watch fumbling fingers become nimble. We see tiny feet and toes squeeze into size 10 sneakers and stacked high heels. We see chubby thighs turn strong and muscular. On a daily basis we bear witness to our children growing from helpless babies to capable young adults with all the ages and stages in between.
Personal Identity as Moms
So how to do we maintain a central sense of self in the midst of all this hurry and bother? That is the key question. Not whether it is worth doing and not whether we will in fact do it, but who will we be at the end of this road, after all the years of driving and homework and runny noses. It’s a question that haunts us as the days and weeks of motherhood pass. And rightfully so.
It’s so easy to lose sight of that confident, busy person that we once were, as we hustle from one mothering task to another. Furthermore, often our work goes unnoticed. After all, it’s “women’s work,” which we all know our culture does not value. There’s no monetary reward for the time expended. Just the satisfaction of knowing we were there to support, to provide and to wipe tears away.
How we, as moms, are doing emotionally matters. As mothers we are the barometer for the family. When we are doing well physically and emotionally, the other members of the family typically prosper too. They take their cue from us without even realizing it. And we cheer them on.
Work Outside the Home as Mothers
Motherhood comes along just as many of us are hitting our stride in our careers. Many of us return to work outside the home within the first six months after the birth of a child. This is a huge transition, often undertaken on the heels of the physical experience of childbirth. The return to work as a mother is a life experience that our culture does not give much weight or attention.
Many of us think, as we return to work after having a baby, that we can reclaim a piece of our personal identity that was lost in the early days of motherhood. It can be unnerving to discover that, while everything else seems the same, we are simply not the same as we rejoin our colleagues. And it’s our life experience as mothers that makes it different. The experience of becoming a mother has changed us and made us a different version of ourselves, that we then bring to our work outside the home.
Balance Is the Answer
Certainly we are all aware of how importance of work/life balance. Striking a balance among family needs, employer demands and personal goals is critical during the years when we are raising our children. It is the difference between barely surviving and actually thriving.
Sometimes what needs to be done to achieve balance is very clear, and the ensuing decisions are easy. Other times, we struggle to determine where we can make changes for the overall picture to feel balanced. Talking to someone in these moments can help give you perspective and enable you to make confident life choices without compromising your sense of self.
Questioning If This Is Right for You?
I’m New To This So I Don’t Know What’s Normal?
If you’re a new mom and you’re wondering what normal even is, you might really benefit from the opportunity to focus on your own needs for a moment. Sitting down regularly to absorb the major shift in priorities that comes with new motherhood can help you get your footing.
Maybe I Should Just Stick It Out On My Own?
The weeks and years fly by. But each individual day will drag by if you are a mom who neglects her own needs. You don’t want to wait until the situation is truly desperate. You are giving to others day in and day out. You cannot give if you are running on empty.
Allow Yourself to Feel Supported
If you think you would benefit from some support as a mother, reach out. Take the time, regardless of how busy you feel, to put yourself and your needs on the family agenda.
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