Before becoming a mother, being socially connected may or may not have been a priority for you. It may be your nature to actively engage in a variety of activities in your local community, and you may have developed an extensive network as a result of these experiences. On the other hand, you may be naturally inclined to cozy up on the couch with a good book. In this latter instance, your social network before childbirth may have consisted of regular contact with a few close friends or family members.
After the baby arrives, the nature and extent of your social connections take on a whole new meaning. It’s no longer just about you and your preferences. There is another, dependent little person who is looking to you to learn about the world. And that’s great if you are the type of person who is eagerly seeking new pathways and opportunities to make new friends and connections. Becoming a mother can open a whole new world with different venues to explore, new topics of conversation, and a seemingly endless array of new things to do – particularly as your baby grows from infant to toddler and on to preschooler.
Approaching this new array of options may be challenging enough if you’re more inclined towards the smaller network of closer connections. But if you’re a new mom struggling with baby blues or postpartum anxiety and depression, this is magnified ten-fold. In this case the probability is low, indeed, that you’re taking the social world by storm. A lack of interest in getting out and about may cause you a fair sum of internal conflict. You may look at other mothers and wonder just how they have the energy to do all the things they seem to be doing. You may feel you should push yourself to get out and do a few things, see some folks - but you just can’t.
On the occasional good day, or in an effort to silence the urging of a new, well-intended friend, you may summon the strength to make a visit to the playground during the peak playtime hours. On “bad” days, though, you may be hunkered down at home feeling guilty and ashamed that your child is going to be “scarred for life” because you just missed story time at the library.
This is when those old support networks – the ones that you had before baby came along – can be super helpful. Regardless of whether that network is extensive or more limited, these are people that have known and loved you over time. When the prospect of stepping out and starting all over with new people, with an unpredictable and demanding little person in tow is just too much, you may find the support you need by reaching back.
Possibly you have allowed some of these connections with old friends and family members to lapse a bit as you first formed your connection with your partner. There may also have been misunderstandings in the past. Maybe there are old, unresolved conflicts and feelings. You hesitate. Quite possibly, though - if you give it a try - you will find that rejuvenating these prior relationships goes more smoothly than expected. As the Girl Scout song goes: “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.”
Reaching out for some form or support is critical when you are a new mom. As amazing as your baby is, he or she is non-verbal. Research has shown that, in addition to providing important social stimulation for your baby, social support helps protect new mothers from developing postpartum depression.
So give that old friend a ring. Call upon your aunt or sister-in-law. If you’re feeling bold, step out to that new mother’s group, maybe with your high school pal as your sidekick. You may surprise yourself and find that the change in scenery and some adult conversation goes a long way to brightening your day.
Negron, R., Martin, A., Almog, M., Balbierz, A. & Howell, E. (2014). Social support during the postpartum period: Mothers’ views on needs, expectations, and mobilization of support. Maternal and Child Health Journal, 17 (4), 616-623.