As mothers we are biologically programmed to take care of the needs of everyone in the family. But we need to make space for taking good care of ourselves too. This starts with assuring our basic needs are met everyday.
Technology enables moms to multitask more easily but more is expected of modern parents. Even in households espousing gender equality, women tend to take on more of the childcare and household responsibilities, as well as the corresponding mental load. Dads can ease this burden by taking more initiative and following through.
Motherhood is often not what we understood or imagined it would be based upon our observations of our own mothers. While growing up, we often failed to see the behind the scenes work and effort that we now experience first hand.
Sometimes new or expectant mothers see media coverage of tragic loss in the postpartum and become concerned about “getting” postpartum depression. It’s important to talk to your providers and learn about local community resources for postpartum women.
For couples, having a shared, overarching parenting style greatly reduces opportunities for conflict. Children, in turn, benefit from the safety and security that a “united front” provides. Taking the time to discuss parenting issues as they arise can be a the pathway to preserving the relationship despite disagreements about parenting.
“Living together” is not an isolated event. It is an ongoing process. Sharing living space as a couple takes effort at all stages of your relationship. It is easy to lose sight of this and assume living together will work just because it has in the past. Couples who live together in harmony regularly and openly discuss their expectations for each other as lovers and roommates.
Triangulation occurs whenever a third person intervenes or is drawn into a conflict between two individuals. The third person may become part of the situation unwittingly, may make a conscious choice to intervene, or may be drawn in skillfully by one of the two people who had the original disagreement.
We need to believe in our relationships that we are truly loved for who we are, at the core of who we are. A love that is founded on money, prestige or power is a relationship lacking trust at its foundation. By contrast, a relationship in which we feel that our partner sees all, accepts all and loves all is rooted in trust.
Couples counseling can provide an opportunity to create a different kind of relationship. By admitting that help is needed and acknowledging the failure to meet the expectation of perfection of our culture and others around you, there is an opportunity to return to that initial moment: The moment of being chosen. And to start over.
