As quarantines and social distancing policies move into multiple months with only moderate relief in sight, all parents are running a bit ragged. The kids stopped going to school outside the home abruptly weeks ago. Parents mustered the strength and time to pull things together to finish the school year and semester with varying degrees of effort and interest.
Now, somehow, it’s summer. Camps which formerly occupied the children of working parents are a patchwork of diluted offerings - if there is anything at all from which to choose. Public and private pools may or may not be opening in the local area. There are rules for gathering in groups in public parks. Overnight camps and family or group travel to more distant destinations is a limited option, at best.
As all this is occurring on the kid front, many offices and businesses are reopening. All parents are finding themselves challenged to figure out how to manage their offspring not just at home with them while they work online. Now they must determine how to provide appropriate supervision and activity from afar while they work at the office.
All of this may be particularly challenging to co-parents who are dealing with the additional overlay of a parenting time schedule. A co-parent may then have to find supervision and activity for only certain days of the week, or alternate weeks. This can be even harder to line up than locating a camp that is open and has available slots. Certainly, needing coverage only on certain days is a challenge for co-parents with limited resources every summer. But the reduced camp offerings in many areas in the summer of 2020 add another variable to the equation.
Co-parents who are not working well together may see in this moment an opportunity to reduce the other parent’s time with the children or, at a minimum, paint the other parent in a negative light by judging the other parent’s choices for the children.
Certainly, if there is a right of first refusal in the Parenting Plan, Court Order or Marital Settlement Agreement this clause should be adhered to – even if the parent giving up parenting time is loathe to provide this time to the co-parent. A right of first refusal is designed to address this very circumstance. This clause in the Plan, Order or Agreement assures that the other parent, rather than some unknown third party, is given the first opportunity to provide care and supervision to the children when a parent is not able to be present for his or her designated parenting time.
However, in the absence of a right of first refusal provision in the Plan, Order or Agreement, the present circumstances in the midst of this global pandemic in the Summer of 2020 present an opportunity for co-parents to work together cooperatively for the benefit of the children.
Let’s face it. It’s been a long spring for everyone sitting around the house. We all have a bit of cabin fever. The kids are itching to get out and enjoy all the usual summer activities – and we are too, as adults. Why not use this moment to rise up to be your best self. Rather than questioning or disputing each other’s efforts to provide stimulation and support for the children during each other’s parenting time, why not share resources. Work together to allow the children to enjoy the summer to the extent possible. Look away, or flat out ignore, plans for the children during the other parents’ work hours that might not be a first choice in other circumstances. Instead, allow and accept that this is yet another reality of our lives in COVID 19. This summer is different. It’s different for everyone. And everyone has to bend a little bit to make it work.