We used to be all on the same page. Just swimming along, in that big wide ocean of potential. We went to work, we went to movies. We rode public transportation, we went to bars. We went to beaches, we rode on airplanes. The presence of other people as we enjoyed these things was sometimes annoying. We had complaints. Now, many people would trade anything to have those minor inconveniences as our biggest struggles.
When the shutdown occurred, everyone but “essential” personnel were in the same boat. Without warning, we were shut up in our homes with little more than strolls around the neighboring streets to break the monotony. But at least we were in it together. A look outside the window told us that pretty much everyone else – except those unlucky medical and other essential workers – were doing the same thing. The rules were fairly simple.
Now here we are approaching July. The states are “reopening” in various stages in a haphazard patchwork. The lines are all blurry. The lack of clear direction, and the variety of interpretations regarding the little bit of direction that we do have, is confusing. On the one hand we want to believe we are “safe” doing many more things outside our homes as long as we are “taking precautions” (ie, social distancing, wearing a mask, avoiding inside environments for extended periods of time). On the other hand, as we look at the rising numbers of Coronavirus cases nationally, it’s hard not to feel even a flicker of doubt.
So, if there’s a debate in your house about what’s safe and what’s not – know that you are not alone. Among couples, this is a whole new frontier of potential things about which to disagree and argue. If the months of spending never-ending time together didn’t get to you, debates about whether it safe to go out for dinner in an outdoor venue may.
It’s difficult to manage because, honestly, who really knows. We are learning every day more and more about this novel virus. Things we thought we knew initially have been revised. Thank heavens we can all stop decontaminating the mail and groceries when they enter the house!
Many people argue that the weeks of sheltering in place are starting to create, or amplify, symptoms of anxiety and depression. They point to these effects as a counterbalance to the argument that there is too much risk associated with engaging in a particular activity. And, truly, what reasonable person would want to throw themselves into a mental health crisis without due reason.
Others note that really nothing has changed since the spring, when the shutdown began. We still have a novel virus among us that is randomly afflicting some people with debilitating symptoms in the short-term and seemingly endless lingering difficulties in the long term. We still don’t know a lot about how this virus actually works. There are various hypotheses. There is some evidence that supports these various theories. But little feels truly certain in terms of what we know. We still have limited treatments that really help people recover to a state that resembles their pre-virus health. We still don’t have a vaccine that would prevent large numbers of people from becoming afflicted with the Coronavirus and potentially overwhelming our health care system.
And then that invitation to dinner arrives. It’s going to be just a small group - other people who have also been social distancing – at least as far as you can tell. The thought of a night out is enticing. Normalcy, at last. But you have high blood pressure. Your partner had cancer five years ago. What should you do? The friends may not understand if you decline. But you are scared. Your partner says “yes” without equivocation as you hesitate. Where is the common ground, the room for compromise, you ask. And so it begins. An argument with no clear winner. Because we have so much to learn. And so much to lose.