If you are separating from your Ex and have children, sooner or later you will brush up against the terms “Parenting Plan” or “Settlement Agreement.” Many co-parents don’t know where to start in obtaining these documents from a skilled professional.
A global Settlement Agreement will typically include terms related to the distribution of parenting time as well as additional agreements related to finances, including the sale of any family home, child support and possibly alimony. By contrast, a Parenting Plan relates only to how you and your co-parent will manage the care and upbringing of your shared children following the separation.
A well-crafted Parenting Plan can go a long way in relieving the anxiety that pretty much every member of the family is experiencing once it is clear that parents are separating. This type of Parenting Plan enables both the parents and the children to understand what is expected of them. It can also eliminate, or at least reduce, the conflicts that seem to inevitably arise when two adults are raising children in separate households. For the children, a detailed Parenting Plan can provide stress-relieving answers to questions that arise.
Typically, a Parenting Plan will address issues such as:
· Parenting time (regular and holiday schedule)
· Decision-making authority with regard to health, education, religion and general welfare
of the children
· Methods of communication (ie. phone, text, email, in person)
· Additional protocols for communication between co-parents (ie. response time, particular
circumstances when one method of communication should be utilized, etc.)
· Time, location and transportation for exchanges of the children
· Procedures for transfer of the children’s personal items incident to exchanges
· Protocols for foreseeable circumstances such as emergency medical care and introduction
of new partners
When a Judge enters an Order regarding custody of and visitation with the children, this document tends to be less specific to the particular needs of the children and co-parents. By contrast, when co-parents work together with a skilled professional to develop a Parenting Plan, there is greater capacity to address the wider range of issues and circumstances that can be anticipated based upon past history of the family, the temperaments of the co-parents or children, as well as the vision that the co-parents share for raising their children even though they will no longer be residing in the same home. Once a Parenting Plan has been signed by both you and your co-parent, it is binding. An executed Parenting Plan may be presented for a Judge’s signature and filing on record as a Court Order.
One critical characteristic that co-parents need to develop a workable Parenting Plan is a willingness to compromise, negotiate and sacrifice for the benefit of the children. It may be helpful to step back from your own view on the situation and put yourselves in the shoes of the children. Consider what it would be like to shuttle back and forth from one home to another for a period of years while at the same time maintaining good grades, friends, and maybe even a plum spot on a school sports team. Another preliminary element to consider is the relative strengths and parenting skills of each co-parent and how these qualities may be best utilized to ensure that the needs of the children are met going forward.
An attorney, mediator, collaborative divorce professional or mental health professional may assist you and your co-parent in preparing a Parenting Plan. If you hire an attorney, you will likely not participate in the negotiations directly. However, you may still be asked to support the attorney’s efforts by providing documentation to demonstrate your perspective. The attorney will also need to be educated about you, your family history and your future vision for your family in two separate homes.
If you are utilizing mediation, a collaborative divorce process or working with a mental health professional, most likely you will be speaking for yourself across the table from your co-parent. Attorneys may be present in mediation and collaborative meetings. But regardless, in order to proceed in this manner to create a workable Parenting Plan, it is essential that both parents feel that they can speak freely. I can help you and your co-parent have productive conversations to develop a Parenting Plan that meets your family’s needs.