Separation in a long-term relationship brings all kinds of questions and dilemmas. Often the first is finding a new place to live. Things like setting up new bank accounts, opening new credit lines, and switching over phone lines follow closely behind. As you tick these items off the list one by one, already you may find yourself in multiple situations where you may have to explain your new status. Along with that story may come reference to your former partner.
“Wife” or “husband” may have rolled off your tongue without a thought in the past. Now, suddenly, you find yourself scrambling for words, possibly wondering at the same time how you could have possibly used those other labels in the past. But that replacement. It’s a thing. For some people, substituting the popular reference, “The Ex,” may come easily. For others, uttering those two words holds more meaning. Just saying the words, The Ex, may bring to the forefront of your mind the sea of emotions that accompanies separation. “The Ex” casts into five little letters everything you once thought you knew about yourself as an individual and your most intimate relationship. For some, “The Ex” sounds a bit too much like “The Ax.”
If you’re finding yourself in this latter category, you may begin to note with interest how others around you talk about The Ex. You may take notice, more intently, of the ease with which some work colleagues, friends or family members speak these two single syllables. It might be helpful at this moment for you to recall that this Ex-speak may be practiced. It may have been years in the making, with the underlying separation occurring months or even years ago. If this is the case, these utterings of the term, “The Ex” can actually be matter of fact. There’s barely a hint of emotional baggage. Just simply two short words. This sort of Ex captures the essence of that former love’s current place in your friend or colleague’s life. This Ex-speak says, on its face, that it is truly over. This colleague, friend or family member has moved on emotionally, has possibly entered into relationships with other significant others since the parting, and has managed to reclaim a sense of identity apart from that once-special person who is now, simply, just The Ex.
As you continue along with your daily business, you may notice other variants in the uttering of the term, The Ex, around you. Sometimes the words are spoken with anger. Sometimes the words reflect disdain. Sometime the words sound a little wistful. In the past, you may have shrunk back a bit from these more troubled references to The Ex. Sensing the potential for an emotionally charged tale of lost love, you may have preferred to bypass anyone using “The Ex” in this manner.
However, in your own world of fresh separation, any sad, sarcastic or inflamed “Ex” references that you encounter in daily life may now draw your attention. You may sense, just in those two little syllables, a person who shares your emotional turmoil. Someone else who knows the pain and confusion. Someone else who is struggling to keep it together while having, however fleetingly at that moment, come upon an occasion when The Ex must be referenced.
In that instant that you hear the tinge of emotion in those two words, you know that this other person knows all that “The Ex” entails. The crush of memories. The frustration of failure. The welling of tears. You may lock eyes with this other broken-hearted stranger for a moment. You may still say nothing. Despite this, there’s a different feeling in the air. A sense of shared humanity. A fleeting moment when you know that you are not as alone as you had thought you were just a moment before. You may bold. You may share an off-hand comment showing solidarity as you pass each other at the door. And then you each will likely continue on your way, walking the solitary path of separation.