A few weeks back, possibly as the ball was falling in Times Square, someone might have asked you if you had any New Year’s resolutions. Or maybe the question was not uttered aloud, but you were quietly pondering this on your own.
Either way, January 1 on the calendar signifies to many of us a new beginning. If you’re prone to pushing yourself hard, a few weeks ago you may have felt pressure to come up with something original that could be your New Year’s resolution. However, a good percentage of us feel that one of the standard resolutions works just fine: lose weight, exercise more, get organized, save money, travel more, etc.
If you decided to stand back from making a New Year’s resolution this year, or never actually came up with that original option you pondered, most likely the whole thing blew over in a few days anyway. You were off the hook. By this third week in January, you are in good company with no New Year’s resolutions in sight. Because we all know that most people fairly quickly abandon their New Year’s resolutions no matter now determined they sound when Frank is singing.
Some experts point to failure to operationalize the resolution using SMART criteria. This means making the resolution less of a blank statement. It means making the resolution specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely.
Ok, so say you used SMART. Your resolution was sound. You were going to lose 5 pounds in 3 months so you could look good on the beach on your spring vacation.
Most likely the resolution has still been abandoned at this point. This is because you set intention in some detail, but you did not follow through with a plan for execution. Change is hard. It takes commitment. It takes focus.
…Maybe your heart wasn’t in it. Your internist told you that you needed to lose weight when you had your physical in the fall. But you feel fine, your clothes fit, and you’re happy with your looks.
…Or you didn’t tell anyone about your resolution because no one asked. So, then no one knew when your resolution failed. It’s so easy to just forget it and move on.
…Possibly some preparatory work was needed – like taking all of the ice cream out of the freezer.
…Quite likely, the larger goal needed to be broken down into smaller ones: planning weekly menus, shopping mainly in the perimeter of the market more, packing a salad for lunch at work, keeping healthy snacks on hand, eating desert only a few days a week, not drinking sodas, monitoring the calories in the foods consumed, eating out only 2 nights a week instead of 5, etc.
Sounds like a lot of work, right. It’s a lot of little changes, every day. A lot of new behavior patterns. A lot of habits and go-to’s that need to be adjusted.
…And probably there was no plan, no allowance for the likely prospect of failure. Positive thinking all the way. What, you ate that ice cream that was in the freezer every night because the salad at lunch didn’t cut it? Oops. Looks like weight loss isn’t happening after all. Time to change doctors. Better yet, just switch to the local urgent care center. No need for that annual walk of shame.
So, what to do now, in this third week of January. Your resolution is a bust. Is 2020 already over?
Beginning therapy is like making a New Year’s resolution. In making the appointment, you set intention. And it’s SMART, alright. It has your credit card information attached. The work of therapy starts in our sessions together. The relationship we develop as we talk is a significant component. The knowledge and expertise that I (hopefully!) offer is another part. But a lot of the changes that you may be seeking in starting therapy depend upon what you do after the session has ended. Failure is something we absolutely can talk about. But the real question is whether there is follow through.