Many couples begin their journey supported by a circle of family and friends. They may have originally met through an introduction by a common friend. They may have been co-workers and share a group of work colleagues. They may have attended the same school, been raised in the same town, or belong to a common church.
This group from which the couple springs is often an important support system in the early months and years of the relationship. The common social group provides ways for the couple to socialize with other couples as well as a group of individuals with knowledge of the history of the relationship who can provide support for it to grow. This same group often celebrates the formalizing of the bond through some sort of ceremony and thereafter helps in times of difficulty. The ability for each member of the couple to get emotional needs met outside of the relationship through these supportive friends and family members can help make the bond between the couple stronger. Often it is fairly easy to maintain these friendships and connections during the early stages of the relationship.
Gradually, though, the individual members of the couple often naturally begin to focus more upon each other. The demands of two careers, a need to balance contact with both sides of the extended family, as well as the important time invested in creating a home and life together start to encroach upon the time available to socialize with the friends and family. Plans somehow never get made or may be cancelled last minute one too many times. Often, many couples find themselves eventually somewhat isolated. This may happen gradually. The couple may be so happy together that they hardly notice what is happening or, if they do, they may believe all they need is each other.
Starting a family can create further isolation in the world of “just us,” as the couple focuses even more upon the children and their needs. Coffee dates just don’t seem to be compatible with the baby’s schedule. The disrupted sleep that goes hand in hand with having young children in the home can make going out to socialize seem less and less appealing over time. Friends who have stayed in the picture up until this point often start to feel neglected and check in less often. Fortunately, around this same time new parenting companions emerge and form a different support system that is founded more upon the shared experience of having and raising children. The weeks and years pass by with these parenting companions fulfilling much of the social needs for many couples. As the children grow, these friendships may at times become very strong.
Before long, though, the children are starting their own lives as young adults. Many couples find themselves needing to re-establish a social network at this time. For some, the parenting companions provide a start. However, unless there are established adult interests, in addition to the shared children’s interests that bind the couple to these companions, gradually the parenting companions tend to drift away in different directions. The rising Gray Divorce trend bears witness to the instability of many marriages at this time. Couples wind up splitting at the very moment when there is once again more time to spend together and invest in the relationship. This creates new challenges for each member of the couple who is then left trying to rebuild a life on his or her own.
Reconnecting with old friends, finding new, adult common ground with parenting companions and making new couple friends who share hobbies and other interests are often an important part of successfully navigating the couple’s transition to an empty nest and retirement. These social connections once again provide necessary emotional support for each partner in the relationship. While couple friends may evolve and change over time, they are an important element to staying together over the years that should receive more time and attention.