Your days on maternity leave are just so full. Possibly you envisioned sunny afternoons with the baby sleeping peacefully beside you. You may have heard that your friend had a rough time. But you were going to be more prepared. You were going to know what to expect and what to do. You read all the books. But no. It does not roll out quite like you thought. Your baby has gas. Your baby has trouble feeding. Your baby does not seem to understand that nighttime means it is time to sleep. Yes, again, you had heard about sleep deprivation. Not like this, though. No.
As the day to go back to the office approaches on the calendar, you may be feeling positively gleeful. Of course, you can’t say this out loud. What would people think if you were to say openly that you are happy to leave your baby? But yes, you are. You are ready to hand the reins over. Let someone else manage naptime. Get dressed in real clothes. Step into your car, leave that house behind, and return to the land of adult living where there is lunch and coffee and people. Then, out of nowhere, you may feel a little bit sad. I mean, it’s getting a little better, right? You’re starting to get a little more sleep some nights. And sometimes your little “potato” may even seem to recognize you, may seem to understand that you are the person who has been serving them hand and foot. You become tearful at the thought of not being there for all the “firsts.” And start to wonder how you are going to balance all of this.
If this roller coaster of emotions sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many new moms experience a range of feelings as they are facing the prospect of going back to work. While the first few days and weeks at home with a new baby are very special time in your family life, without a doubt these days are also super challenging. It seems only natural that you might want to put these days in the rear view and move on to greener pastures. That is, if this story was only about you. And we all know it’s not. You are now tied to this tiny little person who simultaneously makes you happier that you can describe and drives you nuttier than you could fathom. Every day is a rollercoaster of emotional ups and downs. Your return to work will be no different. You will likely swing back and forth between happy and sad without the same hour even without a baby at your side calling for attention. And that’s ok.
One common reason that emotions often fluctuate as you’re approaching this important life transition is that, even if your maternity leave is generous, you are still considered postpartum. You are therefore at a higher risk for mental health and emotional struggles even as you are strapping on that seatbelt to head back to work. Planning to pump? Don’t forget the ebb and flow of hormones - multiple times a day - that make your milk production operation possible. And that’s just a the tip of things that are happening with you on the physical side. There’s also the emotional side of you, as an individual, in play. For some new moms, it’s truly a relief to let a staff member, a nanny, a relative or a friend take over. Other moms struggle with guilt and perfectionism; these moms may find it harder to let go and allow others to do the baby care. Many moms fall somewhere in between or vacillate between the two polar opposites.
It’s important to allow yourself to experience a range of emotions without judging these feelings as good or bad, right or wrong. There’s no one, sure path to success in working motherhood. Getting comfortable with this reality from the beginning will serve you well.
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