When the calendar flips to February and the stores begin to fill with pink and red, Valentine’s Day is clearly on the horizon. Possibly you actually have a potential Valentine in your life this year. A True-Blue love. Or, possibly not. Either way, the telltale signs of Valentine’s Day may cause you to assess where you stand in the area of relationships. Where have you been? What are you hoping for in the future?
For many women, the 30th birthday can herald a new level of scrutiny with each passing Valentine’s Day. Up until this point you may have been putting more time and energy towards your career. You and your friends frolicked about town, passing weekend after weekend, taking it as it was. You had plenty of time. You may have happily joined in the “Hallmark Holiday” jabs or “Un-Valentine” events in the past. But after 30, these events often start to be not quite as fun or funny.
You probably have had a few special friends along the way. Possibly you’ve had a few longer relationships that fizzled, for lack of real staying power. However, for whatever reason, you have arrived at 30 and are still single. Operating by happenstance - with a sprinkling of set-ups, speed dating and dating apps - you have not found your “true love.” Some anxiety about whether this is actually going to happen may creep in. The proverbial clock is ticking.
If you’re dating someone, your mother, your aunt, your cousin – it seems like everyone – is asking: Is this “the one”? Are you guys going to get engaged? The casual dating of the past is fading. There’s a feeling of pressure.
The anxiety may get worse if you start to feel a bit left behind by some of your peers. They have found that special person. They may be talking about wedding dresses and rings. Possibly you’ve even already been a bridesmaid once or twice. Maybe your pals are skipping directly into domestic partnership or home ownership. One or two pals have kids, are getting pregnant. Why not me, you may ask. How come no one wants to be with me? You get a little more anxious. You swipe with more fervor. You join a new gym. You get a dog.
It can be hard to be patient and wait for your own future to unfold – whatever that may be. FOMO can be powerful when it comes to finding that special someone and settling down together to have that family you may have distantly – in the past – and increasingly more intensely – imagined for yourself. So what to do?
Make tough choices. You may actually be in a relationship. You know something about it bugs you but at the same time: you’ve got so much history and you really like his sister and you have this really great place together and you actually do have fun together….Still, you know, in your heart that this is not your “forever.” Let Go. Jump into that cold shower of being single again. Because if you stay, and you know it’s not right for you (even if you can’t pinpoint exactly why), it’s not going to be any easier to leave later.
Continue to be you. Live your best life. Yes, dream away. Set your intentions. But if your best friend met her fiancé learning golf – and you sincerely hate the idea of golfing – stand down. Stabbing wildly around, undertaking activities with hopes and goals of “meeting someone special” is a recipe for continuing to feel that you, yourself, are not enough. Be your own True-Blue love. Have fun on your own terms. You may surprise yourself by finding your special person is right there if you talk back to your anxiety and instead remain positive and open to all the possibilities that are still right there, around you.